even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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