New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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