did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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