She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
