I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there is glitter all over my balls
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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