She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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