4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
