Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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