Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
