Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
