What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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