I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
