My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
