The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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