My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
