Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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