My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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