WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
