Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
