i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
