You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
