and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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