Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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