I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
