my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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