last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
