wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
