I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
