I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
