Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
