And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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