She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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