mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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