Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
