I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
