i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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