I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
