Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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