I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
