You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
