Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
