i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
