Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
