dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
