im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
