My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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