I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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