dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
