Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
