ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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