I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
